Sometimes I feel so inferior when I think of you. It makes me feel like my blog and I are outdated. Like the world doesn’t need me any more and my existence doesn’t have any value. This space gives me great sense of security. It has provided me a place to run away from reality. I’m afraid of losing that. I’m afraid of losing the memory of you and I. That’s why I overreacted and that’s when you and I parted our ways.
My commitment to you was heavy but I was really happy because I had a purpose. I love fussing about you and nagging over your life. We were so happy. Then poof and you left. Suddenly I had no one to depend on. I lost my purpose, I was so bored. I lost my balance. I couldn’t adjust.Then I realised I only know how to live for other people and not myself. I really want to go somewhere afar to do something about my life. I want to regain my former confidence. The ability to still think everything is possible over a cup of tea. I need to learn to be alone. Actually having nothing to do and having no burdens is a form of pressure too. I never experience what it feels to follow my heart and do the things I want to do. I need to muster up a lot of courage to do that but I will do just that.
I will learn to be alone.