It’s the last week of the year and yet I really don’t know what to say. My mind is screaming the words emotional fatigue! and yet I cant find any rest. I’m not saying my life is in turmoil but yet at the same time, my life seems to be lacking of luster. I always tell my friends that I love my routine life even though it’s f***ing boring to them. Boring to them but it reeks stability at least. I dislike stepping out of my comfort zone and I hate it when I have to drastically change my way of life. But yet deep down, I do yearn for adventures & fun though not quite like those depicted in Indiana Jones.
Conflicting isn’t it?
It wasn’t too long ago that I could conjure up words with ease. I can’t pinpoint what exactly happen to me but basically, writing a blog post now seemed more like one of those reluctant chores I dread my mum asking me to do. I realised my stories here are beginning to beat around the bush, going in circles and even loss of words lately. As though I lost my interest in blogging really. I wished I could craft up something more than just the word good can describe every time I’m here. A post that you can look forward to every time you visit this site. A review that my friends or whoever did accompanied me there can say hey, you just speak my mind after a glance or two at it. And I still wished I could write exactly what’s on my mind.
Gosh I lost them all…
Perhaps I set a too high expectation on myself as I insist every entry be proper– warmed with an appropriate amount of length and chunky paragraphs, cooled with a cautious sense of emotional detachment so that they wouldn’t come off too harsh or negative. But if given a chance, I would want to start afresh. Not just writing reviews after reviews but the kind of stories that everyone and even I would love to read- Narrative and descriptive with a little bit of humor in between the lines. Something more personal and not quite like those commercial blogs which many of us boycott. They used to be my benchmark and my inspiration for new writing style but looking at them now, I think they have lose their luster in exchange for more page views and public recognition. I shall not dwell much least it in case, I begin pointing fingers and risk having my arse kicked.
I wouldn’t say my blog is my lifeline but it is still quite important to me. It’s all here. The good and the bad. Where all my memories are stored permanently least in case I grow old and forget them all. That would be terrible but luckily I’m still young to retell my loved ones the places we’ve been without the need to refer yet. But for now, I would want to take a step back and be a little honest with myself. I need time, motivation, hope, inspiration and I wouldn’t mind the occasional words of comfort too.
So if you ever feel like being tricked into venturing this little world of mine- expecting a nice bedtime story like some of my friends do just before sleeping but getting nothing but the last post you read a week ago, then you must pardon me. Then you would know that I’m out there exploring and enjoying life. I’m not quite like the typical blogger who wants more readership. In fact, I would prefer having like-minded people who loves desserts and/or afternoon tea.
Don’t be too critical of me. After all, life is a work in progress thing. I might lose the will to do anything meaningful (for now) but I’m still curious how will life unfold before my eyes. If you wouldn’t mind, then I would gladly have you by my side. After all, one can never have too many friends.
PS: I have a ton of reviews piling up and the photos above might just give you a glimpse what’s to come.
Merry X’mas everyone!